Many couples’ capacity for channelling erotic energy tends to diminish in midlife.
As a result, being sexual can start to feel awkward.
One of the biggest mistakes I see midlife couples make is to go to bed and try to have sex immediately.
By midlife, most couples need first to spend some time opening up together before engaging in any serious love-making.
Here is my basic two-step recipe to ensure your sex life survives marriage:
STEP ONE: Spend time in bed doing nothing together, naked if you prefer.
If you like, talk about whatever’s on your mind. It doesn’t have to be erotic, but keep it simple.
See if you can give yourselves permission just to be together quietly, doing nothing.
Notice your breathing, the temperature of your skin, the way your body presses against the mattress.
STEP TWO: Now turn to your partner. If you’ve taken the time to tune into your breath and your body, you’ll probably find your senses are more open, and physical intimacy can proceed in a more natural, less forced way.
You’ll probably notice that your own desire rises and falls. That’s natural.
Notice where your erotic attention goes, and follow it there.
You may decide to have intercourse, or not. The main thing is to stay present in the moment, without judgment.
If you can do that all the way through, then you’re well on your way to a better sex life for years to come.